Thursday, November 20, 2008

CaC 6: My life vs Your Life

I often get asked to write compare and contrast papers about myself...like say, compare and contrast myself to a toucan or other tropical bird; you know, standard junior high CandC papers. Well, I'm in high school now, and just to let us know that these new papers would be harder, and, also, as a result, would require the usage of at minimum 3 times more commas than we used to use, they assigned a paper that is usually reserved for college students; Compare and Contrast yourself...to somebody else. So here it is: My life vs your or anybody else's life. Well, first off, I'm tall, really really tall. You aren't. Then again you might be as tall as me...maybe even taller, but I doubt that. I also doubt you are as tall as me. You are probably shorter than me, but maybe not. Point number 2, I love videogames. I love them so much. I love them more than you, you probably hate them. Even if you did love them, you don't love them as much as me. In fact, even if you love them, I love them so much more than you that you might as well be hating them. To reiterate, no one, anywhere, ever has, or ever will love videogames as much as I do. Unless you do. And C, I will undoubtadly get an A on this paper and I doubt you do. You certainly won't make a higher grade than I, since there's nothing higher than A, unless we're talking about videogames, then there's an S rank and sometimes a double S rank, but that is neither here nor there. Even if I somehow don't get an A, I bet my grade will almost certainly be higher than yours. Very few people are as smart as I am, so I doubt you would get a higher grade than me. In conclusion, I'm most likely taller than you, I love videogames more than you, and I will probably get and A on this paper and you most likely won't. All said, I'm just better at life than you and I will succeed where you will fail, unless you don't try to succeed in those areas, in which case you won't succeed nor can you fail. Rather you will be null; caught in some sort of nothingness where you didn't even know there was something you could or couldn't succeed at. Probably. So what do you think? I bet I ace that paper.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

CaC 5: Transcendentalism vs. Shark Bites

Ah yes, the age old question of shark bites and Transcendentalism. One is cold, viscous, and unforgiving. The other has brought forth some of the greatest books in American literature, as well as making icons out of the most noted leaders of the movement. Let's see just how similar these two ideas really are. Transcendentalism was the response to all the mechanization that was thriving during the early 19th century. Many of its followers, such as Walden and Thoreau, and noted for being extremely cold-hearted individuals. It's a well known fact that Thoreau is the one that coined the phrase "Like taking candy from a baby," and stole babies as well as their candy. Walden was the straight man that helped to move the plot forward, while Thoreau pleased the crowd with his manic antics. However, another noted Transcendentalist, Margaret Fuller, went by the nickname "Shark Bite" Fuller, due to her tendency to bite her friends and family. Shark bites, on the other hand, are the thread in the fabric of the American spirit. Shark bites have long been the darlings of Hollywood. The original shark film, Jaws, is noted as being the first blockbuster film, and propelling its director, Steven Spielberg, to Hollywood's hottest director. Deep Blue Sea helped promote then rapper LL Cool J to rapper/actor. While Transcendentalism failed to attain even moderate success at the box office, shark bites are the kings of the silver screen as well as television. Shark bite stories are the mainstays of 24 hour news, interrupting the hum-drum of the summer months. In closing, while shark bites and Transcendentalism might have a few things in common, shark bites are way better and more important to the human experience.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

CaC 4: The South Beach Diet vs. Water Slides

Every now and then, we here ar CaC come across one object that doesn't stand a chance against the other. Such is the case with the South Beach Diet and Water Slides. First of all, water slides are tons of fun. The South Beach Diet isn't fun at all. Also, children can slide down water slides. Children have never been able to slide down the South Beach Diet. About the only thing that these to objects have in common is their color. Then again, the South Beach Diet does have one thing going for it, and that's the fact that their isn't a line to get to the South Beach Diet. In closing, this wasn't really a fair comparison. The South Beach Diet and water slides are like apples and oranges.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

CaC 3: Leonardo da Vinci vs. Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger

The other day, an orphaned boy asked me what the difference was between Leonardo da Vinci and a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger from Wendy's. Since I strongly believe that children are our future, I thought I'd delve into the issue (this one's for you Bobby Everykid). First off, both da Vinci and Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger are well-known. Da Vinci's name is in the title of the book, The Da Vinci Code. The author of the book, Dan Brown, is a well-known Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger enthusiast. Also, Wendy's serves Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers until 12 A.M., and da Vinci lived in the 12th century. Coincidence? I think not. However, Leonardo da Vinci had a beard. Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers do not have beards, nor will they ever. On the other hand, while Mr. da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa, it is a little-known fact that Ms. Lisa became famous from her passion for Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers, and in fact named her daughter Mona Wendy. Leonardo was the name of the "coolest" Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle, while the closet Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger has ever come to children's action hero was as the blue ranger on Power Rangers: Lost Galaxy. In closing, both da Vinci and Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers are somewhat of an acquired taste, but perseverance definitely pays off.

CaC 2: Phillip K. Dick's "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep" vs. Tiger's "game.com" handheld

Almost everyday, I have people come up to me on the street and ask "Which should I buy: Phillip K. Dick's classic novel "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" or Tiger's influential handheld, the game.com?" I sometimes have a tough time answering because they sound so similar, but upon further research, I discovered that Phillip's book and Tiger's handheld are very different. First off, although both are rectangular in nature, they are composed of entirely different materials. Phillip's novel is made out of paper, and the game.com is made out of some hard, plastic substance. Secondly, they both smell different. Sure they both have a smell, but these two smells are very different nature. The book smells strongly of paper and must, while the game.com smells kind of like silicon and bad batteries. Lastly and most importantly, Phillip K. Dick's novel was made into a movie, "Blade Runner," while Tiger's game.com never even appeared on television, let alone the silver screen. In fact, some say the game.com never even existed, chalking up any magazine advertisements to cruel pranks. I know this isn't true because I have one...a game.com that is, not a magazine advertisement for one. In all these ways, one will hopefully find that Phillip K. Dick's most famous novel "Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?" and Tiger's game.com are very different, which I hope will influence which product to buy.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

CaC 1: Carnival Cruises vs. Cool Whip

With this being the inaugural CaC post and all, we thought we'd make it a good one. So here it goes. Throughout life, there are many important decisions that human beings must make. An example of such a decision is the classic quandary, "Carnival Cruises or Cool Whip?" To the casual eye, these two stalwarts of their respective industries might seem like identical twins. However, upon taking a closer look, there are many things that are different between Carnival Cruises and Cool Whip. To begin, Carnival Cruise ships and Cool Whip are both white. This is so they can keep their contents (passengers and sugary goodness, respectively) in good condition. Also, Carnival Cruises are cool, and so is Cool Whip. Finally, Carnival Cruise ships float and so do Cool Whip packages when empty. However, as we look beyond their exteriors, we can plainly see the many differences between the two contenders. Carnival Cruises offer fun for the whole family, while Cool Whip is prejudiced against the lactose-intolerant. When it comes to fun, Cool Whip easily outperforms Carnival Cruises. While a Carnival Cruise can only be enjoyed where water is present, Cool Whip can be enjoyed anywhere, even space. Cool Whip has been taken to space and the moon on various occasions, sometimes with astronauts, other times with cosmonauts. Cool Whip currently holds a position on the NASA Welcoming Satellite, which will give any extra-terrestrials an idea of what to expect on our fair planet. In conclusion, when Carnival Cruises face off against Cool Whip, the real winner is the consumer. Thank you Carnival Cruises and Cool Whip, and thank you, reader, for reading.